So This Is My First Rant. Okay, it's not a rant so much as a general musing. Anyway, I was pondering Winnie the Pooh. Why you ask? Well, why not?!... And besides, watching a Quick-time Film of Winnie the Pooh worshipping Satan (I'd post the link, but it seems to temporarily be down), has permanently seared the Pooh-ster into the shattered remains of my mind.
So I'm pondering Mr. Winnie, and got to wondering: what the hell is a "Pooh"? I mean shouldn't he be Winnie the BEAR?? Well, one thing leads to another and I decide to look up "POOH" in the dictionary. As it turns out, Pooh is an actual word (and not just "pooh-pooh" mind you, just "pooh.") Wow, this is a new word I'll have to incorporate into daily usage (though working in my personal favorite word, Defenestration, hasn't really happened yet...)... Okay, so I actually knew "pooh" was a word before, I just never associated it with Winnie THE Pooh for some reason.
Umm... where was I? Oh yes! As it turns out Pooh the precise definition of Pooh is as follows:
\Pooh\, interj. [Of. imitative origin; cf. Icel. p[=u].]
Pshaw! pish! nonsense! -- an expression of scorn, dislike, or
contempt.
... And this got me THINKING ( never a good thing). No wonder that damned Bear has such over-eating issues. I mean come on now, Self Esteem wise, being referred to as Winnie the "Pshaw!/Nonsense! (in the most scornful sense of the word)" couldn't have been good for a young cub attending bear-school (or whatever). Plus think of the type of parents who would christen their cub "the Pooh." It's gotta border on emotional abuse of some kind! So almost certainly, he had a dysfunctional family life and childhood... (my opinion: his attachment to that kid, uhh... Christopher Robin(?), is his way of coping with own poor childhood. Not that I have any knowledge of psychology whatsoever to back this claim up (but that's the beauty of the internet. Even an idiot like me can spout off pure claptrap and someone will pay heed to him. This means that there's hope for that Ebonlight-worshipping religion of mine yet!). Back to the point, with "the Pooh" as his title/surname, this bear clearly never even had a chance- undoubtedly he was the bear picked last in gym class who sat alone at lunch, with none of the other bears willing to share their honey with him. *sniffle* Sad isn't it?
Oh, And try to impress the lady-bears when you've got an unsavory title like "The Pooh??" Not likely, I say.
With these serious self-esteem issues, it's no wonder he hangs out with a bunch of crazies: Between Eyore's
clinical depression issues, Piglet's Generalized Anxiety Disorder problem, and... well... Tigger
(let's be honest: the poster tiger for ADHD). Anyway, these fellers are clearly not the "in-crowd" of
the animal kingdom (and probably have enough problems between them to pay salary for a whole slew of therapists and
clinical psychologists).
Brief Tangent: Imagine Eyor on Prozac and Tigger downing a few Ritalin pills. Yeah, add that to
a mental image of Winnie worshipping Satan and you'll be in about the same mental state that I'm in right now)
Then THIS got me wondering about what type of example we're setting for our children. After all: Kids are Dumb, even moreso then non-children, if that's possible- and if you disagree with this assessment, then YOU are dumb ;-) . (If you happen to be a proud parent reading this raving: don't worry, because pretty much everyone is dumb (myself included) that fact that your child is a Fucking Idiot probably doesn't seem terribly bad, and might not be overtly apparent for the comparison).
Once again returning to the Point (such as it is): Moreover, children (and adults, now that I think about it) are not only DUMB but they're highly impressionable! (Think about the classical conditioning of males liking the color blue for example. Now the vast majority of guys I know seem to like the color blue- oddly this doesn't seem to be the case as much for pink and girls, but that justs proves that guys are ESPECIALLY dumb -Yes, I'm a guy. And yes I am dissing my own gender, sorry guys: you know it's true.- Irregardless, this is just a cruddy example of my point: if you want others think of stuff like Nike shoes and Kid's with "We-Want McDonald's Syndrome."
So we've established that we have a country filled with stupid kids (growing all too quickly into moronic adults), who (in addition to being conditioned into a lifetime of mindless materialism and a diet of fatty foods) now have as their role model: a bear with Psycho-Social issues, learning difficulties, and arguably ADD (though I think there's more of a case for Tigger then Pooh). Then, we have his friends, who all suffer from equally paralyzing psychological disorders.
So Let's Recap: We have-
(A) Stupid and Impressionable Children
(B) Stupid ex-children known now as "Parents"
(C) A seemingly benign story/series of children's videoes starring our Bear-shaped buddy, and featuring characters with all of the most
common mental disorders that seem to be over-afflict our children (admittedly, some are over-diagnosed *cough* ...ADD...).
A Correlation mayhaps??? I THINK SO!!!
Thus, I in the short period of time it has taken to type this up, I have discovered the cause of the over-abundance of mental disorders afflicting our nation's youth. You should now send me lots of money, and hail me as the Messiah and Savior of Our Time.
...so what's the point of this musing? Umm... huh... good question. I appear to lost my Train of Thought... Oh well, I'll catch the next Coach out...
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